Over the last several weeks I have pondered ways that I can add greater value to those who read my post. In my work I use and am exposed to several tools to help me to be a better leader. I want to start sharing those with you.
The tool I’ll share today is called a “trigger diary”. I learned about this tool from my good friends Simon and Fiona at Purposeful Change. But first some context.
Every one of us as human beings are triggered by everyday experiences. Sometimes the result of that trigger leads us to be at our best. Other triggers will lead us to act and behave in a way that is not our best.
My kid’s bedtime is a trigger for me. I know logically it should be a positive, “at my best” trigger. I should revel in the chance to read to them and close out the day with scripture study, prayer, and alone time. The reality is much different. When bedtime arrives, I often dread the process. A process that I believe should take 5-10 minutes long (brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, getting on pajamas, and going potty) takes 30-45 minutes! By this time, I have lost my patience, I do not want to do the nighttime ritual that I know the kids will enjoy because now all I want is to have them in bed so I can be with my wife and have some quiet time.
Not at our best behavior is human. We cannot eliminate it completely, but we can work to improve how we respond to certain triggers. Between the trigger (in my case bedtime) and action there is space to decide how to respond. I want to improve my ratio of “at my best” and “not at my best” behaviors.
The trigger diary is a tool that helps me to know my triggers. Here is how it works.
At your desired time interval (I feel every day at the end of the day is best for me) write down what your triggers were along with the resulting feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Feelings are usually expressed in a single word. Thoughts are usually full sentences and behaviors are actions you took. Remember to do this without judgment. We are not trying to change behavior yet; we want to know our triggers and how we respond to them when experienced.
At the end of the week assess your list and see if you can identify any patterns in feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. The trigger diary helps shine a light on your triggers so you can pause and choose to act differently when they occur.
The bedtime routine is still difficult for me, but I am getting better because I know it is a trigger.
Start today and spend 5-7 days recording your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in a trigger diary. At the completion of the time identify the patterns and ask yourself the following questions. What can I learn from this information? How can I pause between trigger and action and choose an “at my best” behavior?
