My six-year-old daughter is a gem, she is adorable, expressive, loving, fierce, loyal, and kind. She is also stubborn as all get out and knows exactly how to push my buttons as a father.
For over a year I’ve been trying to figure out how I can be a better dad and nurture my six-year-old. I’ve tried many small experiments and most lead to me getting frustrated or triggered when she’s in the mood to push my buttons.
Recently she lost a tooth and we gave up on perpetuating the “tooth fairy” and told her that when she lost a tooth she can have a “date” with either mom or dad. She chose me and we went to a local ice cream shop to get a soft serve ice cream cone. We connected, she was grinning from ear to ear, she was thriving, and not pushing my buttons. I realized with all the failed experiments my wife and I, almost by accident, landed on a way to truly connect and have the best interactions with our daughter.
Reflecting on this I was reminded of a powerful tool shared and taught by Jim Collins. It is a concept he calls “fire bullets then cannonballs”.
To illustrate the concept he uses a metaphor. Imagine you have travelled back in time and are on a large boat equipped with cannons and riffles. You have encountered your enemy. With your limited amount of gun powder you put it all into the cannon and fire your cannonball at the opposing enemy. The cannon ball flies across the ocean and misses your target by 50 degrees. You turn back to fire another cannonball but your gunpowder is all gone. You lost to your enemy. Suppose instead you put a tiny amount of gunpowder in a riffle and fire a bullet. You’re off by 50 degrees but you make an adjustment and try again. Next you’re off by only 25 degrees. Again you make and adjustment and you see you’ve hit the target. Now you have enough gunpowder to fire the big cannon ball along the same trajectory and you smash your target. You have beat your enemy.
As leaders you and I should practice firing bullets before firing cannonballs. With my daughter, I’ve been trying lots of small experiments, lots of bullets. The daddy daughter date struck the target and now I’m firing cannonballs and we are connecting in a more real and sincere way.
Are you firing bullets first or just going after the cannonballs?
What has worked for you as a leader to encourage a culture and practice of “firing bullets” first?
