Several months ago, I learned about an organization that serves individuals whose lives are impacted by the effects of OCD, anxiety, and other forms of mental illness. The challenges these people face are very real and, unlike physical illness, are often unseen. The things they teach are based in psychology and are meaningful and impactful to all. One of the tools is a distress tolerance skill called “radical acceptance” which helps us when we experience pain.
The OCD & Anxiety Treatment Center has a great blog post about the difference between pain and suffering. I am sharing here a few lines I found helpful.
Pain is characterized as a signal that something is wrong and is caused by a stimulus. That stimulus might be an injury, event, or illness and can lead to a chronic or temporary pain.
Suffering is characterized as a reaction to the pain/stimulus. This reaction might be thoughts, judgments, beliefs, or a general lack of acceptance of the pain. Suffering does not exist without pain.
As much as you and I can try, we cannot avoid pain. It will come to us all. Our responsibility then, is to give our pain purpose. When pain has a purpose it can be a catalyst for growth. The outcome of pain can be channeled into meaning.
Suffering is a cage that prevents us from growth. We choose certain thoughts, beliefs, or judgments that in turn lead us down a dark path of misery and loneliness. Suffering can inflict additional pain when fueled by the same thoughts, beliefs, and judgments can turn into a vicious cycle. The challenge is to interrupt this cycle between pain and suffering and choose another way.
One way to break this cycle is radical acceptance. This is where we accept all things that come to us. This does not mean we are approving these thoughts or feelings but we recognize them without judgment. When we can practice radical acceptance we are training our minds to separate pain from suffering. We are choosing to observe the thoughts, beliefs, and judgments as things we can respond to. This practice gives us agency. This practice empowers us to be better.
My invitation to you this week is to practice radical acceptance. For me, when I experience pain, I ask myself “what can/should I learn from this?” – it helps me to accept what has happened and choose how I will respond to the pain so I do not dwell in suffering.
I would love to hear how this goes for you and what things help you to break the vicious cycle of pain and suffering.
